Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
