If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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