Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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