this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
