did you get engaged???
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
