12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
