What a fucking waste of an outfit
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
