I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
