Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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