apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
