I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
