You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
