Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
