i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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