Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
