Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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