i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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