are you still at the devil's house?
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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