so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
