I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I have fence marks all over my body
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
