WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
