What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Randomize