im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
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