cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Randomize