Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
