your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
