Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Randomize
