god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
