We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
