Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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