1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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