I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
