i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
even my farts smell like vagina
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
