took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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