Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
