K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
