i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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