He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
