Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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