Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
