The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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