Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
