either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
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