Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
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