I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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