If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
