What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
