Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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