Ambien. No doubt about it.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
