In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
