I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
