i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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