Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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