i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
