i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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