your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
