that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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