had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize