Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Please don't give away my fajitas
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