How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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