He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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