I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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