If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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