i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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