you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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