I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Can I color on your dick again?
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
